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A Checklist: Is It Love Or Just Insecurity & Codependency?

In the words of Jasmine Sullivan...

"Just cause I love you and you 'love' doesn't mean that we're meant to be."

Ain't that the truth! You really care about each other and maybe it feels like love, but deep down something doesn't feel good or even right. It will only hurt both of you in the long run to hold on to something that just is not meant for you. Love is not something you force to make work. True love is challenging at times, but should not be so hard to the point you are angry or sad more than you are happy and smiling. You should know that sometimes what you think is love is actually codependency and/or a lack of self-esteem.

Don't get stuck in something toxic. The healthiest thing to do is to be with someone who makes you predominantly happy. It is absolutely true that if you let go of painful situations or people and allow time to heal people and promote growth, a situation will always work out for the best. Maybe that is in the form of him or her coming back to you. Then you get to choose which path to take...let them into your life again or not. What is meant to be WILL be... and it won't be on your time table either... so don't waste your life away waiting around for something to happen. Be brave, let go and take time to focus on self-love and self-evolution. When you look back, you will be so happy and proud of yourself that you did.


(find out below using the checklist)




NOW... If you can check any of these boxes, it is not a good sign. Communicate gently with your man/woman. If he or she is not mature enough to respect your needs and make changes after you talk, it is time to embrace your inner-goddess or warrior strength and Move On!

[ ] S/He puts his friends and/or video and computer games before me

[ ] S/He does not ask me how my day went nor show interest in my daily life

[ ] S/He does not make plans with me short term or for the long term future

[ ] S/He does not buy me gifts OR give me massages or back/foot rubs if low on money

[ ] S/He does not call or text me first

[ ] S/He escalates arguments rather than try to find a healthy resolution or compromise

[ ] S/He always blames me for when things go wrong

[ ] S/He pressures me to do things I do not really want to do

[ ] S/He pouts or gets angry if things don't go exactly his way

[ ] The passion is there, but s/he makes me so frustrated or angry all the time

[ ] S/He does not care that I am sad nor console me when I am crying

[ ] S/He does not communicate openly. I always have to ask 21 questions to get any info

[ ] S/He never notices if I have changed something, like my hair, and rarely compliments me

[ ] S/He is always on his phone when we are hanging out or on a date

[ ] When we get intimate s/he does not please me. Him/her climaxing is the main concern

[ ] S/He is okay with insulting me or cutting me off when I try to communicate my needs

[ ] S/He often lets me go to bed upset and shows little desire to be on better terms

[ ] S/He does not say I love you and/or does not say I love you first

[ ] S/He never apologizes and gets caught in lies frequently

[ ] S/He does not show affection in public and/or around family (kiss, hug, hand holding, etc.)



So...what's the verdict? If you have decided it is best to move on, then be sure to be respectful of you and the other person. Ghosting is for cowards so be strong enough to communicate clearly that your needs are not being met and then move on with grace.

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