Does he (or she) REALly love you??? Let's Answer The Question...
Everyone (well nearly everyone) wants it; everyone needs it; but not everyone experiences it. You can of course guess what I am talking about. It's Love! Wow, does it feel amazing to be genuinely loved. It can change your whole outlook on life when you experience love from a partner, family, or friends.
Many people grow up without experiencing, what I call, REAL Love. Real love is love the verb, and it is non-transactional. As children or adolescents, some of us are exposed to a distortion of what love is. A few examples of this type of "love"are...
Love = simply how much money, gifts, or material possessions someone gives
Love = praising or lusting over someone because of physical attractiveness
Love = attention only for winning, or only if you accomplish something notable
Love = codependency (excessive emotional or psychological reliance on someone)
Love = words (apologizing or telling someone you love them without action to support it)
Love = obligation ("I have to. I've been with him/her for so long. We have kids together.")
FYI* LOVE DOES NOT EQUATE TO THOSE THINGS.
Love is not forced, superficial, material, toxic, or vain.
Early exposure to this kind of "love"causes people to grow up and enter into toxic relationships... or at minimum, they enter or remain in either unfulfilling relationships or relationships that don't reach their fullest potential. These types of relationships occur because one or both people know only a distortion of love and associate love with how much money someone gives them, how much someone needs attention from them physically or emotionally, and so on...
Maybe this person you are thinking of does "love" you, but unfortunately it may not be a love that is healthy OR you two are just not compatible.. two different people in two different places in life.
One cannot fault parents forever because of toxic patterns learned from them. Most parents did what they could and what they knew how to do at that time. It is likely that they too experienced distortions of love. It is our job to break the cycle!
Here Is An Epic 50 Point Relationship Checklist
That Will Help You Answer The Question..
Does He Or She REALly Love Me?
Remember, The Love You Want & Need Is A VERB!
The more lines that apply (below), the more REAL and healthy the love is:
1. O Makes plans for a long-term future with you
2. O Shows both consistency and commitment towards you using words and actions
3. O Calls, texts, visits, etc just to talk to you or to see how you are doing
4. O Offers to help or does something good without being asked to make you happy
5. O Shows affection privately & publicly and expresses how much you mean to them
6. O Chooses compromise over "muddying the waters" or over argument escalation
7. O Cares more about resolving any issue than being right or being in control
8. O Makes efforts to include you in events or activities with family and friends
9. O Is there for you when you are sick, hurt, or hit a financial rough patch
10. O Shows up when you need & follows through on promises even when inconvenient
11. O Opens up to you-- shares thoughts, passions, dreams, and aspirations with you
12. O Is willing to try new things with you or go new places--creating special memories
13. O Misses you and thinks about you when you are apart from each other
14. O Doesn't let ego get in the way of communicating vulnerability or creating peace
15. O Doesn't insult your intelligence, attack you, or harp on your mistakes or misfortunes
16. O Doesn't bring up resolved issues from the past to hurt you or make you feel guilty
17. O Ensures you are pleased and your needs are met too (give not just receive)
18. O Considers how actions affect you & asks your input before making major decisions
19. O Chooses You---Prioritizes you and the relationship, making you high on the list
20. O Comforts, supports, & protects you, making you feel safe physically & emotionally
21. O Values your insight and praises your beautiful mind, talents, skills, and efforts
22. O Shows appreciation for you with gifts but also with words and sweet gestures
23. O Listens- expresses comprehension, understanding, and empathy when appropriate
24. O Nurtures you, compliments you, reassures you, respects you, and uplifts you
25. O Does not purposely try to make you feel jealous, sad, scared, or mad
26. O Gives to you without always expectation of receiving something in return
27. O Doesn't let you do, or pressure you to do, things that can harm you or others
28. O Makes an effort to get to know who you are, your likes and dislikes
29. O Spends quality time with you alone and without distractions
30. O You don't have to question if he loves you, because it's apparent--you feel it
31. O Cares about your well being, not because they have to, but because they want to
32. O Doesn't disappear when it's a bad day or insult you if you don't look your best
33. O Gives you space and time to think, heal, process, etc. if you need it
34. O Doesn't rely on you for everything or fault you for having your own life
35. O Allows you to have your time to shine---does not make everything about them
36. O Makes sacrifices if, or when, necessary for the success of the relationship
37. O Does not seek other intimate connections or chase after other women or men
38. O Defends you--and does not allow others to hurt, trash talk, or tear you down
39. O Talks highly of you to others and shares a true depiction of you and the relationship
40. O Doesn't give or withhold money, clothes, jewels, etc as a means to bribe or control
41. O Doesn't intentionally sabotage self, you, or a relationship for attention or control
42. O Is happy when good happens in your life instead of being jealous of your success
43. O Looks at you with passion, care, pride, intrigue, admiration, or amazement
44. O Chooses to be fair, kind, patient and does not ignore or belittle you for power
45. O Is open and honest--Not hiding, no lying, no secrets, no withholding information
46. O Would rather make you smile than make you sad, embarrassed, or stressed
47. O Wants to evolve and be a better person for you, & takes necessary actions to be
48. O Remembers the little things and the big things--doesn't forget important dates
49. O Finds your flaws endearing and/or works in support of you wanting to change something you don't like about yourself
50. O Doesn't quit on you or the relationship--wants to work together to create harmony
Use this checklist to get you thinking more deeply about your relationship. In my experience, loving relationships will have most if not all of these bubbles checked off.
Checked 46-50 out of 50 =
REAL, EXCELLENT, STRONG, HEALTHY
Checked 36- 45 out of 50 =
GREAT & LOVING, BUT ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT IF DESIRED
Checked 21-35 out of 50 =
IMMATURITY INVOLVED, INCOMPATIBLE PARTNERSHIP, OR NOT "IN-LOVE"
Checked 0-20 out of 50 =
TOXIC, POSSIBLE MENTAL ILLNESS, AND/OR NOT REAL LOVE
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