If You Want To HEAL, Forgiving Yourself And Others Is Required
People are they way they are for a reason. Experiences shape our thinking and our behaviors. Sometimes people become insecure, guarded, mean or hardened as a result of experiencing trauma. Someone may lie or hurt others to avoid being hurt themselves...but that is not okay. We can empathize with others' pain and even be understanding of the reasons why someone became so cold-hearted; but EVERYONE has a choice of what type of person they want to be. Everyone has the choice to heal themselves and be open to love and relationships. If you were hurt by someone, it doesn't give you an excuse to hurt someone else. It is important to remember that although it may take longer for some, levels of growth and healing are possible for all people. In order to heal, one must acknowledge & FORGIVE.
Common feelings someone in a toxic situation has are sadness, anxiety, insecurity, inadequacy, fear, anger, and confusion. Sometimes these feelings are amplified right after the end of a toxic situation like a break up or being fired. To healthily get rid of those negative feelings and move on, you have to do the internal work. Your growth becomes stunted when you resist doing the challenging mental and emotional work of self-reflecting, forgiving (yourself and others who hurt you), and making positive changes. Refusing your own growth, or self-evolution, only hurts you and ultimately can negatively affect all others who come in contact with you.
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NOTE... Suppressing Emotions For An Extended Period Of Time Is Very Damaging
Holding in anything your body produces is probably not a good idea, and emotions are on that list. Sure, it is not appropriate to out of the blue scream at the top of your lungs at someone you are angry with...but there are ways to convey what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours without derailing or imploding. I have been guilty in the past of letting negative emotions accumulate. Things that bothered me, with family or at work, I let build up and decided not to address them. Eventually I became depressed from keeping so much in to avoid confrontation and drama or tension. I tried to keep the peace for other people, and was left with unsettling feelings for myself. I learned that no matter how uncomfortable it may be initially, it is important to express your thoughts and emotions (maturely and appropriately). If you let things out, fix issues, and move on then you can in many instances avoid having to tackle the healing process of depression, anxiety, resentment, rage, self-loathing, desensitivity (cold-heart) and any other aforementioned negative emotion.
"If you haven’t healed it, everytime you think of a negative event from your past, your body produces the exact same chemicals in the body as when it happened. That means you relive the experience hundreds of times simply because you have not let it go."
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